Saturday was a big day in my life as I woke up all kinds of angry. You see, there was this little white thing, not to mention mom's and that mustached guy's fingers, in my mouth this morning. It hurt like a roll off the couch. I pitched a fit until mom gave me something out of a dropper and dad gave me some pills that I took with a shot of bourbon. 
These new things suck.
And to make things worse, mom made me eat with a spoon today. I have seen the mustached guy eat like that for a while. Man, he can put down some pudding. I did OK for a first-timer, I guess, but mom and that chimneysweep really were laughing hard.
After a while dad came back from vacation and I heard that I had a new cousin. Dad's brother had a little boy last night. His name is Finn. He is a pipsqeak compared to me, but I guess I do have chubby thighs. Man this cereal tastes like old socks, but it sure makes me regular.
